EmmDev 2026-09-04 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Seasoned Words #4 - How to do it...

Seasoned Words #4 - How to do it...

After laying a doctrinal foundation for eleven chapters, Paul now reminds the church in Rome to live out their faith practically. Part of this practical living is peacemaking, de-escalation and conflict resolution. Let's see what he says:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans12:17-21)

How do we do all the things Paul is talking about?
How do we live in peace with everyone? How do we de-escalate anger, conflict and hostility?"

I think it takes three important steps:

1. PAUSE
   Slow down. Don't match the emotional temperature.
   Bring great calm into tense situations. Make sure you're not taking things personally and not acting out of emotion.
   
   
2. DISCERN
   What is actually happening?
   What's beneath these words?
   Where is emotion and anger blinding people?
   Where is there commonality?
   
   
3. SEASON
   Start with humility.
   Speak words that fit the moment.
   Make people feel heard and taken seriously.
   Make sure that what you are aiming for is to reveal grace and not your cleverness.

And, at the end of the day remember what the stakes are:
We are not trying to win arguments but to win people's hearts.
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EmmDevs will be pausing for two weeks...

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EmmDev 2026-09-03 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Seasoned Words #3 - Abigail's Example

Seasoned Words #3 - Abigail's Example

Our reading comes from the life of David, before he became king and while he was running from Saul. It was a tense and stressful time and a man named Nabal offended David greatly. The offense was so great that David set off to kill Nabal and wipe out his household.

Thankfully, Nabal's wife, Abigail, was a wise women who, when she heard about the offense, put together a wagon of supplies and set off to meet the furious David. Our reading is long, but the devotion is short...

Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, "Go on ahead; I'll follow you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal. As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. David had just said, "It's been useless -- all my watching over this fellow's property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!" When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: "Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name -- his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you. "Please forgive your servant's presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord's battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant." (1Samuel25:18-34)

Abigail's quick thinking, positive action and sincere words are a really excellent example of how to de-escalate a volatile situation.

• Her generous gift to David and his men indicates her serious commitment to healing the rift.
• By coming alone she indicates both vulnerability and trust
• In her words Abigail is both humble and smart:
  - she acknowledges Nabal's failure,
  - she recognises David's destiny and the pressure he has been under,
  - and she is bold enough to show David that giving in to his anger will damage his reputation.

Her actions and attitude stop David in his tracks and he exclaims: "Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands."

We are called, like Abigail, to be peace-makers.
Very often we will have to begin at a place of brokenness.
We will step into anger, tension, frustration and hurt.
And, with God's gracious help, we can bring calm and resolution.

Tomorrow we'll look at some practical how-to's...

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EmmDev 2026-09-02 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Seasoned Words #2 - Peacemakers

Seasoned Words #2 - Peacemakers

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew5:3-12)

There's really not much I can add to our reading.
Our world is full of war and conflict.
- Nation against nation
- Corporation against corporation
- Race, Culture and Tribe all locked in conflicts
- Gangs, Families, Spouses and Siblings damage each other with words, actions and inattention
- Friends and Neighbours are separated
- Religions, Ideals and Ideologies are at loggerheads.

And there's open conflict, hidden conflict and unspecified aggression.

And we're all hurting.

The Sermon on the Mount is the pinnacle (pun intended!) of Jesus' teaching.
In His striking introduction Jesus lists the nine groups of people as "blessed."
The seventh "blessed" is reserved for the peacemakers.
Those who de-escalate.
Those who are agents of reconciliation.
Those who reduce conflict, misunderstanding and aggression.

Each blessed state has its own reward: the Kingdom, comfort, the earth, being filled, mercy, seeing God or a great reward in heaven. However, to me, the reward of peacemaking is significant - being called "children of God."

And to some degree, the best peacemakers are those who are poor in spirit, who have mourned, are meek, hunger and thirst for righteousness and yet show mercy and remain pure in heart. And, interestingly, peacemakers are persecuted and insulted by those who don't want peace.

With our words, attitudes and closed-mindedness we can aid and abet conflict.
We need to make deep-rooted adjustments to undermine the powers that work against peace.
Being a peacemaker is not a hat we put on and take off as needed, it needs to be part of our nature.

When the deep desire for peace or wholeness or "shalom" is deeply rooted in us,
it seems that we most resemble God,
and people see it and call us His children.

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EmmDev 2026-09-01 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Seasoned Words #1 - De-escalation

Seasoned Words #1 - De-escalation

In the sixth week of our Wisdom Series we look at "Seasoned Words" which is all about conflict resolution, de-escalation and peace-making in a world where outrage, conflict and vilification is the order of the day.

The book of Proverbs lays a great foundation by recognising the importance of the tongue. The tongue is a box of matches that can start great fires. We need to learn to use it well.

1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. 4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. 7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools. 18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. 23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply-- and how good is a timely word! (Proverbs15:1-23)

We have some modern-day proverbs too. My favourite two are:
"Words are like toothpaste, once they've been squeezed out you can't put them back."
"Make sure your brain is engaged before putting your mouth into gear."

But let's reflect on the proverbs we've read...

• vs.1 We all know that it is not only the words, but the tone with which they are delivered. Spouses know the subtleties of this one... "What's wrong honey?" "Nothing..." (When "Nothing" is spoken with folded arms, averted eyes and monotone you know trouble is brewing!) When harsh words are countered with harsh words, tempers flare quickly. But when harsh words are met with an even and reasonable tone, it calms the conversation.
  
  
• vs.2 Jesus warned that whatever fills the heart will flow from the mouth. When we feed our hearts and minds garbage, the mouth will echo that. It's amazing how people who didn't swear and cuss will eventually begin to do that if everyone around them and the movies that they watch do that. Wholesome talk (output) flows from wholesome input.
  
  
• vs.4 I find it so interesting that in this proverb, deceit functions as the opposite of healing. This is a very sobering thought. When our words are constructive, uplifting and affirming, we bring healing and this healing is a tree of life. Look at environments where this kind of speaking is the norm. People flourish, laughter abounds and self-images are solid. Look at environments where deceit, division and manipulation are the norm. What do you find there? Crushed spirits. (I can't imagine a greater sadness.)
  
  
• vs.7 The contrast here is striking. The wise spread knowledge with their LIPS, but although fools spread folly through their words, it is their HEARTS that the proverb writer sees. This should give us serious pause for thought.
  
  
• vs.18 The hot-tempered man stirs dissension, the patient man calms a quarrel. This speaks of an inner state. The hot-tempered person lives with anger that is ready to emerge at any point. Dissension gives them a place to vent. The opposite is patience, someone who is more at rest in themselves. Their peace is contagious.
  
  
• v.23 All our other verses have contrasted the positive and the negative. This verse dwells on the powerful benefit of a constructive and thoughtful tongue. It celebrates the apt reply and the timely word. Choosing the right tone, the appropriate words at the right time yields a result that is good and brings joy to the speaker. This should be our goal.

As we go into this week of seasoned words, may our words be constructive and timely and reflect a wholeness and patience within us that we nurture and protect.

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EmmDev 2026-08-28 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Sober Thinking #4 - The Importance of Love

Sober Thinking #4 - The Importance of Love

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. (1Peter3:15-16)

Although Peter is talking about sharing our faith, I think the same principles apply to our sober-thinking in the midst of a confused world where outrage, manipulation and vilifying of people who have different views are the order of the day.

We are not called to win arguments, but to win people.

Paul warns Titus: "But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless." (Titus 3:4)

Love needs to determine what we fight for and how we engage our world and the challenges it poses.
We must combine:
- Rootedness in Christ and His Community
- Discernment that is based on God's standards revealed in Christ and His Word
- Love that is sincere and genuine - wanting to do the best for those around us.

Whatever we discern, should be tempered, expressed and implemented with love.

• Before we draw our conclusions we need to be sure we are not operating out of fear, pride, or hate.
• When we communicate our views we need to be able to say: "I don't agree with you" or "My understanding of God's plan is different from the view you are expressing" without sounding holier-than-thou, condemnatory or arrogant.
• When we implement our decisions, we should do our very best not to alienate, humiliate or denigrate others.

Rootedness gives us something solid to stand on. Our roots are in Christ.
Discernment helps us understand what is true and what is best.
Love determines how we treat the people involved.

Let me say it again:
We are not called to win arguments, but to win people.

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EmmDev 2026-08-27 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Sober Thinking #3 - Discerning

 

Sober Thinking #3 - Discerning

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians1:9-11)

Paul is praying for the church in Philippi.

Philippi was a Roman colony with a strong Roman identity. Paul planted the church there with a remarkable collection of early members: Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth; a slave girl freed from demonic possession; and the Philippian jailer and his family. It was a diverse congregation - and not always harmonious. (Paul had to urge Euodia and Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord.)

Discernment, the ability to understand the situation, to find the best way, and to make the right choices was a very necessary skill for the fledgling church in Philippi and so Paul prayed for it.

What is so interesting is how Paul prays for a chain reaction to happen in them.
There are a number of links in the chain.
Each link is important and, without each link, the rest of the chain falls away.

The first link is love, and we'll talk about love in detail tomorrow, but Paul prays that love will abound in two particular ways: Knowledge and Depth of Insight. Knowledge without love can be clinical and even cruel. Knowledge can be a dagger that kills or a scalpel that saves. Love makes the difference. Similarly, facts need interpretation or deep insight. Without love it is possible to come to harsh conclusions from facts. Love gives a generosity and sensitivity to our interpretations and insights.

The next links are discernment of what is best, pure and blameless.
Discernment, means that a choice, a determination, a judgement has to be made.
It needs to be what is best for all,
it needs to be pure, coming from the best of motives,
and it should be blameless without the baggage of corruption or compromise.

Our eighth link there should be a sense of focus and longevity to to our journey, that our characters are being shaped and ready for Christ's coming.
The next link is that our decisions bear the good fruit of righteousness
and the final, tenth link, is that the glory and praise goes to God.

These links give us the chain of discernment.
It starts with love and ends with the glory of God.
Paul prayed that this would be a quality of the Philippian Church.
We pray the same for ourselves...

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EmmDev 2026-08-26 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Sober Thinking #2 Wisdom AKA Rooted

Sober Thinking #2 Wisdom AKA Rooted

Yesterday I talked about the three legs of the table of Sober-Thinking which I listed as Wisdom, Discernment and Love.
The diagram showed "Rooted" instead of "Wisdom".

"Rooted" is a better description than Wisdom...
Our reading for today comes from a list of soldiers who came to help transition David into kingship after Saul's death. It's a formidable list of brave warriors and heroes, from various but the one of the tribes stands out...

These are the numbers of the men armed for battle who came to David at Hebron to turn Saul's kingdom over to him, as the Lord had said: - from Judah, carrying shield and spear -- 6,800 armed for battle; - from Simeon, warriors ready for battle -- 7,100; - from Levi -- 4,600, including Jehoiada, leader of the family of Aaron, with 3,700 men, and Zadok, a brave young warrior, with 22 officers from his family; - from Benjamin, Saul's tribe -- 3,000, most of whom had remained loyal to Saul's house until then; - from Ephraim, brave warriors, famous in their own clans -- 20,800; - from half the tribe of Manasseh, designated by name to come and make David king -- 18,000; - from Issachar, men who understood the times and knew what Israel should do -- 200 chiefs, with all their relatives under their command. (1Chronicles12:23-32)

The tribe of Issachar is described differently from the others.

Firstly, they are described, not in terms of battle-skills, but in terms of "understanding the times and knowing what Israel (the people of God) should do." This is striking: these are people who are ready in season and out of season. They had their finger on the pulse and they could make wise decisions about what to do. To have this kind of wisdom requires more than observation. It requires principles, experience and a framework for interpreting what we see. For God's people, that framework is the Word and ways of God. Observation and knowledge is useful to a point, but one needs a set of principles and depth of experience to know what to do. The tribe of Issachar didn't just have good observation and interpretive skills, they also combined principle and experience to "know what to do."

Secondly, where all the other tribes are listed by headcount, Issachar is listed as "200 chiefs, with all their relatives under their command." This is striking. Where as the other tribes are listed as individuals, Issachar are listed as a groups, clans, or units. There is a sense of community about them which conveys a powerful sense of belonging and connection.

Issachar was rooted.
- They functioned as a community and not individuals.
- They had a clear perception and understanding.
- They knew what to do because they drew on principles and experience.
- They knew what Israel (the people of God) should do - they walked closely with God.

We're called to be rooted in the same way:
- We need to walk closely with God.
- We need to be part of a healthy vibrant community.
- We need to have clear perception and understanding.
- We should spend time in God's Word (Principles) and learn from our experiences and the experiences of others.

These roots take time to develop, but they are important.
When the wind blows, the question isn't:
"How strong is the tree today?"
It's: "How deep are its roots?"

When the world is blowing hard, we can't suddenly grow roots.
We need to discover that we already have them...

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EmmDev 2026-08-25 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Sober Thinking #1 - The Three Legged Table

Sober Thinking #1 - The Three Legged Table

This week we review the fifth sermon in the "Wisdom for Everyday Life" series which was "Sober Thinking in an Opinionated World."
In the sermon I introduced the idea of a three legged table (three legged tables and chairs don't wobble easily.)
The three legs to sober thinking are: Wisdom, Discernment and Love.

In an opinionated world where rage, aggression, outrage and winning at all costs are the order of the day, these three legs are crucial.

Here's a striking Old Testament example from the early days of King Solomon who was renowned for his wisdom.

Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. One of them said, "My lord, this woman and I live in the same house. I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us. "During the night this woman's son died because she lay on him. So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. The next morning, I got up to nurse my son--and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn't the son I had borne." The other woman said, "No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours." But the first one insisted, "No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine." And so they argued before the king. The king said, "This one says, My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' " Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother." (1Kings3:16-27)

Solomon did not have DNA testing available to him. The only knowledge that he had of this situation was the conflicting testimonies of these two women. But while knowledge was not useful in this situation, WISDOM understood the protective nature of the a true mother.

Solomon couldn't rely on investigation or deduction here. He had to be DISCERNING. It seems that his discernment was that one of the mothers had a hardness to her. She was not grieving the loss of her child, nor was there any sign of remorse about causing her child's death. Her claim on the living child was that she would not lose face as a bad mother, and that she would not be be childless while the other woman had a child. She was operating from a mindset that could be summarised as "Either I win, or we must both lose."

Solomon's discernment led him to use the test of LOVE and so he decreed that the baby should be cut in two and each mother be given a half. This command revealed the lovelessness of the lying mother and it revealed the love of the true mother. The bad mother was only interested in not losing, whereas the good mother would rather lose the fight than see her baby die.

Solomon applied wisdom, discernment and love to this very difficult scenario.

In an opinionated world, sober thinking requires all three.
- Wisdom asks what is true and looks for meaning.
- Discernment asks what is really going on.
- Love asks what will protect and bless the people involved.

Without Wisdom we can be confidently wrong.
Without Discernment we can be easily manipulated.
Without Love we can win the argument and lose the person.

May God give us all three

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Forgiveness vs Bitterness #4 - Receiving Forgiveness

 Forgiveness vs Bitterness #4 - Receiving Forgiveness

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, Who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! (Hebrews9:14)

The writer of the letter to the Hebrews knew something important: Sometimes we struggle to believe that God really can forgive us.

Some people say that our consciences are actually the Holy Spirit whispering His truth into our hearts. This is not entirely accurate. We all have a conscience - a God-given capacity to recognise and evaluate right and wrong. Our consciences are a place where God can and does speak to us powerfully through the Holy Spirit.

But our consciences can be damaged in two ways:
1. They can be seared or corrupted (1Tim4:2 and Titus1:15). When this happens, we care less and less about the things we have done wrong.

2. But our consciences can fail to grasp the forgiveness of God.

In a pastoral context I hear this quite often.
- "I don't know how God can possibly forgive me for the terrible thing I did."
- "I keep doing it over and over again. I can't see how God can forgive me."
- "I promised God that I would not do that and then I did. I don't deserve forgiveness."

But the letter to the Hebrews gives us GOOD NEWS:
- Jesus' death does not only cancel the legal debt of our sins and brokenness,
- but His blood will also cleanse our consciences
So that we can serve the living God.

Paul says: ""Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom.8:1)

So here's the conversation that should be happening inside us.
Conscience: "I did a bad thing."
Gospel: "Yes. And Christ died for it."
Conscience: "But I don't deserve forgiveness."
Gospel: "That's why it's called grace."
Conscience: "But I still feel guilty."
Gospel: "Christ's blood cleanses even the conscience."

This does not mean that we treat sin lightly. When we confess our sin it should be accompanied by repentance which may require restitution, apology and changed behaviour, but when the guilt-trip in our conscience tries to overshadow the forgiveness God offers then we need to bring our consciences back to the cross.

Christ's blood is sufficient not only to forgive our sin, but to cleanse our consciences so that we can stop looking backwards and begin serving the living God.

God is the Judge,
Christ is the Redeemer,
and we don't need to appoint ourselves as a second judge over sins God has already forgiven.

What God has forgiven, we do not need to keep condemning.

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Forgiveness vs Bitterness #3 - As we forgive others

 

Forgiveness vs Bitterness #3 - As we forgive others

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew6:12)

Here's a profoundly uncomfortable truth and principle:
Our experience of being forgiven by God and our track-record with regard to forgiving others are linked.

It always remains true that Christ's death is sufficient to forgive all sins.
There is no question about His ability to forgive and wash away our sins.
Jesus died to pay the price of your and my sin, past, present and future.

But what good is a gift of a billion rand if it is in my bank account and I never withdraw a cent?

If I have a deep sense of forgiven-ness, it is a deep well that I can draw from and I can offer some of that living water to those around me. I can draw from that well when someone hurts me. I don't have to manufacture forgiveness from nothing. I can draw on the mercy that God has already shown me and extend some of that mercy to someone else. If I am unwilling or unable to forgive, then the implication is that my well has a locked lid on it and even I can't drink from it.

Understand the principle: we don't forgive others to earn forgiveness - that would be the cart before the horse - we forgive others because we ourselves have been forgiven. This is the point of the parable about the slave who was pardoned a huge debt by the king and was thrown into prison when he would not forgive a tiny debt incurred by another slave.

If we are persistently UNABLE to forgive, it may be because we have not completely understood how great a debt God has released us from.
If we are persistently UNWILLING to forgive, it may be because we have hardened our hearts to the reality of our own sin and the grace that sets us free.

In short, complete forgiveness is available to us in Christ, but if we have not fully embraced and connected to that forgiveness it manifests in us being unwilling or unable to forgive. Not forgiving others may be a symptom of not connecting to and experiencing God's forgiveness. The more deeply we understand the grace we have received, the more freely we can extend grace to others.

Those who have genuinely received God's mercy become merciful people.

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