Forgiveness vs Bitterness #3 - As we forgive others

 

Forgiveness vs Bitterness #3 - As we forgive others

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew6:12)

Here's a profoundly uncomfortable truth and principle:
Our experience of being forgiven by God and our track-record with regard to forgiving others are linked.

It always remains true that Christ's death is sufficient to forgive all sins.
There is no question about His ability to forgive and wash away our sins.
Jesus died to pay the price of your and my sin, past, present and future.

But what good is a gift of a billion rand if it is in my bank account and I never withdraw a cent?

If I have a deep sense of forgiven-ness, it is a deep well that I can draw from and I can offer some of that living water to those around me. I can draw from that well when someone hurts me. I don't have to manufacture forgiveness from nothing. I can draw on the mercy that God has already shown me and extend some of that mercy to someone else. If I am unwilling or unable to forgive, then the implication is that my well has a locked lid on it and even I can't drink from it.

Understand the principle: we don't forgive others to earn forgiveness - that would be the cart before the horse - we forgive others because we ourselves have been forgiven. This is the point of the parable about the slave who was pardoned a huge debt by the king and was thrown into prison when he would not forgive a tiny debt incurred by another slave.

If we are persistently UNABLE to forgive, it may be because we have not completely understood how great a debt God has released us from.
If we are persistently UNWILLING to forgive, it may be because we have hardened our hearts to the reality of our own sin and the grace that sets us free.

In short, complete forgiveness is available to us in Christ, but if we have not fully embraced and connected to that forgiveness it manifests in us being unwilling or unable to forgive. Not forgiving others may be a symptom of not connecting to and experiencing God's forgiveness. The more deeply we understand the grace we have received, the more freely we can extend grace to others.

Those who have genuinely received God's mercy become merciful people.

---

Forgiveness vs Bitterness #2 - Why and How should I forgive?

 Forgiveness vs Bitterness #2 - Why and How should I forgive?

Why should we forgive? And how can we forgive when the hurt is so deep?
- Some people have been through incredible pain. Pain that seems impossible to forgive.
- Some people feel they just don't have the strength, and sometimes even the desire, to forgive.
- Some people are evil and unrepentant and don't seem worthy of forgiveness.
- Some differences just seem to be too great.

Paul is writing the the church in Ephesus talking to them about how to live transformed and Spirit-filled lives in the world.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with Whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians4:29-32)

In this passage Paul tells us WHY we forgive and HOW we can do it.

Let's start with the WHY.
Paul states it simply: we forgive because that's what God, in Christ, did for us.
This is powerful.
We sinned against God. We couldn't make it right.
So God sent Jesus. Jesus did nothing wrong, but we cruelly crucified Him.
Jesus modeled forgiveness in His prayer and desires: "Father forgive them..."
And He secured our forgiveness by laying down His life for us.
If we're children of God, if we're forgiven, then we should forgive.

And, to borrow from the parable of the unforgiving servant, which I examined when I preached on this subject, the debt from which we have been forgiven is much greater than the debt of forgiveness we owe. If God has forgiven me for so much, how can I withhold forgiveness from another soul for whom Jesus died? This does not diminish the seriousness of the sin committed against us or the pain we experience because of it, but it does place it in perspective.

Let's talk about the HOW.
The good news is that we don't have to do this all by ourselves.
Paul talks about the using our words for good and not harm and as he talks about dealing with aggressive desires like bitterness, rage, anger and such like. As he does so, he reminds us not to "grieve the Holy Spirit with whom we are sealed..."

The Holy Spirit is our helper. He will prompt, convict, empower, guide, strengthen and empower us to become more like Jesus. He will help us control our tongues. He will help us deal with malicious desires and tendencies and He will grow kindness and compassion in us, enabling us to forgive each other.

The problem is that we grieve the Spirit
- we do our own thing and push ahead in our own strength.
- we harden our hearts to His prompting.
- we resist His work of grace in us.
... and then we find it hard to forgive...

But when we answer the Spirit's promptings and walk closer to Jesus daily, we'll discover that He is transforming us and making us able to forgive.

---

 Forgiveness vs Bitterness #1 - The Power of Restoration.

This week we explore the fourth idea in our journey of Wisdom in Every Day Life:
"Forgiveness instead of Bitterness."

Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two maidservants. He put the maidservants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother. But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. ... Esau asked, "What do you mean by all these droves I met?" "To find favor in your eyes, my lord," he said. But Esau said, "I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself." "No, please!" said Jacob. "If I have found favor in your eyes, accept this gift from me. For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably." (Genesis33:1-10)

Jacob had wronged his twin brother, twice over, and not in small ways:
- He took advantage of his brother's hunger to swindle him out of his birthright
- He deceived his father, by disguising himself as Esau to get the blessing of the first-born.

Then Jacob fled back to his father's home country to his uncle Laban who deceived him by giving him Leah (the eldest) in marriage when Jacob loved Rachel (the youngest). So Jacob deceived Laban by manipulating the breeding of the goats he looked after to his advantage and, when Jacob fled back to Canaan, Rachel deceived her father by stealing the household idol.

So far the story is of deception leading to broken relationships and more deception. It's a vicious cycle.
And now, as Jacob nears Canaan, he's told his brother and a large entourage is coming out to meet him.
Fearing retribution and wrath he sends a string of gifts and his family to meet Esau.
Jacob is afraid - very afraid.

But two important things happen:

• Jacob has an encounter with God that leaves him limping and gives him a new name - Israel, "he struggles with God."
• When he meets Esau, he is welcomed graciously and with kindness.

It seems Esau has been on his own journey.
He wasn't perfect, but in this moment he models generosity, grace and reconciliation, where he could have defaulted to bitterness, rage and vengefulness.
Esau doesn't merely refrain from hurting Jacob.
He runs to him. He embraces him. He kisses him. He weeps with him.
He breaks the cycle and it's powerful.

Jacob took things from Esau.
Esau now gives Jacob something Jacob cannot buy: peace.
Jacob says: "It's like seeing the face of God."

Restoration is powerful thing.
It sets us and others free.
It discombobulates and liberates.

It's what we are called to do.
And when we do it, others will see the face of God.

---

EmmDev 2026-08-14 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Faith vs Fear #4 - Shush!

Faith vs Fear #4 - Shush!

Psalm 46 can be read as three stanzas, and each stanza ends with the word "Selah" which some scholars believe indicates a musical interlude where the musicians play, but the singing is paused giving the congregation time to think about what has been sung. Where we find this word in various psalms seems to confirm the idea that "Selah" invites us to "pause and think about that..."

Each stanza also contains a doctrinal affirmation about God.
In the first stanza we read "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."
In the second and third we read "The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

We can summarise the stanzas as follows:

1. God is our refuge in trouble of all kinds....
   SELAH (Stop and think about that!)
2. God has a city with a life-giving river for us and He will defend us
   SELAH (Stop and think about that!)
3. God is more powerful than the agents of chaos and we have to turn from them and trust in Him.
   SELAH (Stop and think about that!)

Let's read the Psalm.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; He lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations He has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; He breaks the bow and shatters the spear, He burns the shields with fire. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah (Psalms46:1-11)

While there is a lot we can say about the Psalm, I want to focus on the last few verses.
People often read the verses "Be Still and Know that I am God..." quite sentimentally and see them as a gentle pastoral injunction to quieten our souls for a gentle and contemplative time with God. We often see the words on a poster with someone sitting in quietly in an idyllically calm and peaceful situation in an attitude of quiet, devotional prayer and reflection.

The truth of these verses are that they are spoken by a powerful and holy God who is addressing the nations and the forces of chaos and darkness in the world. He's addressing fear, chaos, darkness and uncertainty. He's talking to the nations, the storms and the earthquakes (and us!) and effectively He's saying: "Shush. Enough. Stop. I am God."

He's in charge of the chaos, He's in charge of the storm, He will reign.
And as Elijah learned - sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He calms His child.

---

EmmDev 2026-08-13 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Faith vs Fear #3 - Do not be dis-couraged

Faith vs Fear #3 - Do not be dis-couraged

King Jehoshaphat faced a huge invasion. He calls the people to fast and pray, and he himself prays a beautiful prayer which he ends with "Lord, we don't know what to do but our eyes are on You."

Soon after, God brings an encouraging word through Jahaziel:

He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' " (2Chronicles20:15-17)

In English encouragement is all about giving, boosting and nurturing courage in ("en") people. Discouragement is about stealing, removing and negating courage in people.

A quick Bible search reveals that, when it comes to discouragement, it is used most often as a negative instruction - "Do NOT be discouraged!"

Even more interestingly, it is most often addressed to fledgling Israel and her greatest leaders. Joshua, David, Jehoshaphat and Hezekiah are the ones who are told: "Do not be discouraged!"

Discouragement's greatest ally is fear.
In almost all the passages talking about discouragement, the other phrase found is "do not be afraid."

Fear leeches courage from us.
Fear paralyses us.
Fear makes us doubt God's promises.
Fear causes us to see the worst scenarios.
Fear blinds us to the possibility of what courage could achieve.

So what does it mean when we're told "Do not be afraid or discouraged"?
On the one hand we're being asked to stand up to the bullying of fear. On the other we are being asked to make sure that there are no "disses" to our encouragements. In other words, we're being asked to hold on to the experiences, promises, dreams, visions and hopes that once encouraged us.

Today's teenagers talk about being "dissed"... When someone "disses" you, they stomp all over your character, reputation, hopes and dreams. This is what Goliath did to David. He tried to "diss" David by mocking and reviling him. He needed to - because David's sling was a more accurate and ranged weapon than Goliath's spear. Goliath had to rattle David's cage. He had to "diss"courage him. David held on to God's faithfulness... and he didn't miss.

In the same way, Jehoshaphat faced a vast army.
He overcame fear and "diss"couragement by trusting God.
The passage later tells us that he trusted God so much that he put the singers and praisers in front of the army. Their praises disempowered their fear and encouraged the people.

And a mighty victory was won.
The enemy was not the vast army but "disencouragement."
And it was defeated.
How are you at facing fear and discouragement in your life?

---

EmmDev 2026-08-12 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] - Faith vs Fear #2 - What does F.E.A.R. mean?

Faith vs Fear #2 - What does F.E.A.R. mean?

A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus.  When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind. (Mark14:51-52)

Some early Christian writers suggested that this young man was Mark himself. If that tradition is right, Mark's own story begins with fear and failure.

FEAR can mean
Forget Everything And Run
or Fear Ends At Reverence.

John-Mark's early life was marked by the first meaning of FEAR.

In Acts 15:37-39 we read: "Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company."

I think we can all identify with that desire to run away.
- When a tough confrontation is coming...
- When we have messed up and need to "fess up"...
- When our day looms large and starts badly...
- When that dreaded phone call comes...
- When the diagnosis is not good...

Along the way, Mark grew from the young man who ran away into the trusted co-worker to Paul and Peter.
Peter calls him "my son Mark" and we think that Mark wrote his gospel based on Peter's sermons.
Paul mentions him twice, once in connection to an assignment given to him and the other is a wish that Timothy will bring him along on his next visit to Paul.

It seems that Mark learned to overcome his fear...

His gospel presents Jesus as a tireless healer, preacher, teacher who faced the cross with simple dignity and grace.

It would seem he learned to trust in the power and love of God.
And realised that Christ was greater than his fears.

When we say Fear Ends At Reverence, it doesn't mean that scary things suddenly stop being scary. It means that our fear is put into perspective by our reverence for God. We see the frightening thing... but we see God as greater. Our trust in Him gives us the courage to face what frightened us.

---

EmmDev 2026-08-11 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Faith vs Fear #1 - Waves and Wind

This week we look at Faith vs Fear....

Faith vs Fear #1 - Waves and Wind

"Lord, if it's You," Peter replied, "tell me to come to You on the water." "Come," He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. "You of little faith," He said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." (Matthew14:28-33)

Our relationship with God is personal and intimate - and it is based on faith.

But faith is a tough word to define.
Our gospel account of Peter's Galilee-stroll is a very valuable lesson in the nature of faith.

It's the fourth watch of the morning (3AM-6AM).
The disciples have been pulling against the oars all night.
Their body clocks are at their lowest ebb.
They're exhausted and jumpy.
Then a scary apparition comes across the water.
They're terrified.
He calls to them and they hear His reassurance,
But it's Jesus and He says "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Peter calls and is invited to do what he asked to do.
And so he hoists his leg over the gunwale...
and plants his first foot on the water...
and takes his first step...
Towards Jesus...

Maybe Peter's faith is best described as his trust in Jesus.
Maybe faith is not merely a complex set of beliefs.
Or just the tight set of a determined jaw.
It's not simple mind over water.
Maybe it's that Peter sees Jesus and wants to be with Him.

Faith is a relationship with One who is Trustworthy.
Faith is trust. It's wanting to be where He is.

Peter is fine while he's moving toward Jesus.
It's when He looks elsewhere that he sinks.
But even then Jesus has him - because Jesus is trustworthy.

There will always be wind.
Fear will always try to overpower, sabotage or undermine our faith.
The longer we look in fear's direction the faster we will sink.

Faith is not a cranial mindset - it's a trusting relationship where we move toward Him. It's taking another step closer to Him and knowing that no matter where He's standing - on water, in the fire, or in the tomb - He is able to catch us.

---

EmmDev 2026-08-07 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Time #4 - Eternity

Time #4 - Eternity

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes3:11)

We started the week with the Ecclesiastes' poem on the times and seasons of our lives.
It reminded us that along with the steady march of time, we have moments and opportunities that we should not miss.

The writer of Ecclesiastes calls himself "the Teacher", and throughout the book he reflects on life's deepest questions.
From the clues we find in the text, most scholars conclude that:

• he was probably wealthy, maybe a king or of a royal family
• he had become disillusioned with wealth, power and the rat-race of life
• he rejected simplistic cause-and-effect morality, because sometimes the righteous suffered and the wicked prospered.
• and although he comes across cynical and negative, there is a real search for God in his journey

The Teacher concludes his poem about the times and seasons of life with three powerful conclusions:

1. He makes everything beautiful in its time. God is at work in all the moments of our lives and, as we trust and follow Him, He is able to bring beauty even out of painful experiences. This echoes Romans 8:28: "God works in all things for the good of those who love Him."
2. Although our lives are moments and seasons lived in the relentless march of chronos, God has set eternity in our hearts. We are eternal beings living in a temporary world, and the choices we make today are shaping us for eternity. Deep within us is a longing for more than this temporary world can offer. Augustine prayed, "Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee," and Blaise Pascal spoke of a "God-shaped vacuum" within every person.
3. We can't fathom it all, because our perspective is limited, but we need to trust God who sees the whole Story from beginning to end.

Our passages this week have taught us that time keeps moving, but God is preparing us for eternity. We are urged to recognise the moments, grab the moment, number our days and remember that we are shaping our eternal souls. Time marches along but there are moments to grab and a God who sees it all and made us to spend eternity with Him.
Time passes. Eternity doesn't. Live today with and Eternal perspective. And trust the One who knows the whole Story.

---

EmmDev 2026-08-06 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Time #3 - Number our Days

Time #3 - Number our Days

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Psalms90:12)

This is probably the oldest Psalm we have and it's the only one ascribed to Moses.
We think he wrote it during their 40 year wandering in the desert after the Israelites rejected the advice of Caleb and Joshua to trust God and enter the Promised Land.

The outcome of that rebellion was that the Israelites would wander the desert for 40 years so that the current generation would pass away and a new generation would enter Canaan. So Moses leads and guides for 40 years, attending many funerals of people who had died without reaching their destination.

Psalm 90 is a reflection on God's eternal nature and justice and humanity's temporariness.
At the heart of his Psalm is his prayer.
"Teach us to number our days aright: that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Notice that Moses isn't asking for more time.
He's asking that they will use their time well.
He doesn't pray for a longer life. He prays for a wiser one.

If he were writing in Greek maybe he would write: "While chronos ticks by help me to recognise the kairos.

This is so important.
Even when things are busy, we need to notice those moments where we need to appreciate beauty, have a significant relational interaction, reach out a helping hand, or hear God's voice.

We all get 24 hours and seven days a week.
We all have bills to pay, work to do, commutes to make, and to-do lists that tap their toes.

But Moses prays that we'll see eternity in the kairos moments that pop up in the relentless march of chronos and make good choices...

As I reflected on this passage in the sermon, five simple truths emerged that help us number our days wisely
1. I cannot do everything.
2. I cannot be everywhere.
3. I cannot say yes to every request.
4. I should make the right choices in the key moments
5. I mustn't postpone what truly matters forever.

Remember: It's not how much time we have, but how we use it.

---

EmmDev 2026-08-05 [Wisdom for Every Day Life] Time #2 - Grab Them

Time #2 - Grab Them

Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit... (Ephesians5:15-18)

You guessed it...
The word Paul uses for opportunity is "kairos".

He's been talking to the Ephesians about being light in the darkness - that they have to recognise that even though there is brokenness all around, the resurrection light of Christ shines on us, in us, and through us.

So we need to seize the day, grasp the moment, and grab the opportunity.
The word he uses for "making the most of" is fascinating. If you pull it apart its very literal meaning is "out of the marketplace." Imagine yourself going through the market place and spotting an item you've really wanted at a bargain price and there's only one left. What do you do? You pounce! You grab it! You don't miss a moment.

This word is used four times in the New Testament, all of them by Paul. In Galatians he uses it twice to talk about how Jesus redeemed us (think of a desperate slave on sale in the market place being bought and set free by Christ). Then he uses it here in Ephesians and also in Colossians, and both times he uses it in relation to "kairos" and how we must buy back, redeem, rescue or deliver those moments God gives us. Do you sense the urgency?

The point he makes is this: Our world is broken, "the days are evil", but there are moments that can be "bought out" of brokenness and infused with the resurrection light of Christ:
A moment to show appreciation to someone who is taken for granted...
A window to be kind to someone who has experienced harshness...
An opportunity to share our hope with someone who needs it...
A moment to right an injustice...

We come across these moments every day. We can be distracted and miss them, we can be foolish and waste the moment or we can buy them out of the marketplace of brokenness. Sometimes we think that it will cost us too much, but it is God who places the opportunity there and He will provide.

How can we do this well and not miss the moments?
Paul gives us four bits of guidance:

1. Don't be dumb - be wise. Stupidity is freely available, it's populist, comfortable, and egocentric. 
   Wisdom takes work to get to. It requires reflection, consultation with wise people and sources and sees beyond self.
2. Understand the Lord's will - this means spending time with Him and in His Word.
3. Don't anesthetize yourself either with alcohol, drugs, you-tube, social media or other distractions.
4. Be filled with the Spirit - ask the Holy Spirit to move in you and guide and prompt you.

One last thought: Paul isn't asking us to squeeze more into the day. He's just asking us to grab what's there.
Don't fill your diary - fill your moments.
God puts the moments there, and, armed with the light of the resurrected Christ and filled with the Spirit, we can buy them back!

---